Other guys simply get addicted - a risk with any drug, one you can’t predict. This dulls the experience of sex more than enriches it, since you want to know all sides of sex - the real and unreal, the good and bad, the quick and hard, the slow and gentle, the fast and furious, the sweet and caring.
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Many gay men who struggle with feelings of shame or insecurity use drugs to make sex happen, and may reach a point where they only know how to play when they’re drunk/high. This isn't true - and it doesn't have to be that way.Īll drugs - including alcohol - are not healthy and do not do good things to the body. There is a better world outside the closet, and you should be part of it.Ī lot of people consider drugs as inextricably tied with gay sex.
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We’re the ones who organized against a plague. If you’re HIV-negative, you’ll need to get on PrEP and take necessary steps to protect yourself.
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If you get HIV, you’re going to take your meds and live a long, happy life. I want to reach back through the years, hug him, and say, “Baby, you’re not going to die.” When I read it now, I cheer for that younger, scared me. The poetry is bad and cringingly written in all caps, but it’s one relic of my early writing I treasure.Īt the end of the poem, I come to the conclusion that coming out is worth it, even in the face of death - that it’s better to live a short, authentic life than to live in fear. I even wrote a 10+ page poem called “Heavy Is Venus” (H - I - V) in high school when I was 14 or 15, still deeply in the closet, in which I went through my feelings on this. In high school, I listened to musicals like Rent and believed wholeheartedly that if I chose to live life as an out gay man, I was sentencing myself to a slow death from AIDS. Welcome to the party - but don't be unprepared. This invisibility and isolation makes stumbling into a gay bar (or discovering a hookup app) akin to opening a treasure trove and finding that it’s yours, all yours. Where are cartoons with two little boy dogs sharing a spaghetti noodle, falling in love? Not on children’s TV. When we see those same cartoons, we understand a jarring truth: We are out of sync with the world. Every message they’ve been taught through childhood - when the cartoon boy dog meets the cartoon girl dog and the girl dog bats a pair of absurd eyelashes - cues them to have sex. As soon as puberty hits, bam! They’re fucking. Your straight peers may start early - in high school or earlier. They have no idea how to prepare you for the eros embraced by many members of our community or the risks that come with it.
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The amount of sex some gay men have (and the ease with which it can be acquired) is preposterous to most straight folks - including your friends and family. You might not realize it now, but you’re growing into a culture that celebrates sex.